Rotorglow

It's hard for me to explain how awesomely surreal the Intertubes were around Boston today. I was getting a lot of work done, of course , but the weird, fantastical events still managed to impinge.

For starters, there's this splendid van that Kat nabbed on her way to work. The details about Daniels Corp and their many products and happy customers are really too great to be believed.

Then came word that several bombs had been placed throughout Boston forcing shutdowns of highways, bridges, harbors, the T and, generally, causing a day-long panic.

As it turned out, of course, the "devices" were simply illuminated LED signs made by a local artist (who's now been arrested), and placed around town at the behest of Turner Broadcasting, benevolently misguided providers of the (exquisitely weird) Aqua Teen Hungerforce television show.

The signs have been there for 2+ weeks. Similar campaigns are running in 9 other cities. And now some lady "sees something" and "says something." Ok, everything's fine so far. Can't really fault her for that.

But wait...The cops show up, realize the device isn't dangerous, but decide to blow it up anyway.

You know....as a "precaution."

Then people go looking under other bridges and such, and find more of the same "devices". And they shut down said bridges, and reroute traffic, and with the breathless, eager help of the local media, perpetuate a big shitstorm of panic. The (otherwise refreshing) new governor, Deval Patrick, says "It's a hoax, and it's not funny." Well, no, Governor Patrick, it's not a hoax. It's a mistake, originally made by a jackass network and their jackass creative agency but absurdly compounded by you and the mayor and the MBTA and our local "authorities" and news media.

But there's more: While that hubbub is buzzing away in the background, and the intensely stupid mayor of Boston is looking for someone to sue, there comes word (via Tim) that a "Herpes Outbreak Triggers Wrestling Ban in Minnesota". And...well, that pretty much did me in for the rest of the afternoon:

Chris [quoting the article: "I think it's a bold step by our high school league to protect our athletes -- and it's better now than at post-season tournament time," [huh? herpes is ok at tournament time?]
Chris [riffing]: "better now than after the disease has spread from our young atheletes to the coaches who [molest] them."
Tim: lol
Tim: "No more wrestling the goats"
Chris: Yes!
Chris: "Additionally, this will help protect our important livestock industry, and ensure the safety of our food supply."
Tim: "Don't put your fingers in your eyes after wrestling with a goat"
Chris: "1.....2.......3" *slaps mat*
Tim: "Use Common Sense: Wash up! Protect your fellow naked wrestler!"
Tim: I feel better about Boston already
Chris: eww....apparently it's called "Herpes gladiatorum"
Tim: The manliest STD
Tim: Crabs Herculanium
Tim: Spartican Boils

And so, the day drew to a close. Later in the evening I watched a couple episodes of ATHF in celebration of its genius, and in commiseration (?) of the idiotic times we find ourselves in, realizing that the terrorists may have already won, and in a general state of amazement about the world.

I mean, that a day could start with Daniels laundry service ("ultimate protection from direct slide attack!", and end with "Spartican Boils" (with a pleasant stroll through a Mooninite bomb scare) is beyond my wildest dreams.