Life (Next Part)
This was originally written Aug 24th in my notepad while waiting for a train at BackBay station.
Three things I want out of life:
- Rewarding Career
- Someone to Love
- Good Health
This is of course what comes to mind as I'm heading home at midnight after being at work since 8:30am that morning. WHile I want to feel like I did my part, my co-worker was working mot of the magic behind the scenes. I wonder it if is a case of not asking the rights questions or not questioning the answers enough. (Gah, I always seem to slip into cliche.) Why is my inability to express myself such an issue for me. I partially blame my roommate. Damn him an his drunken rants that should awaken such a demon inside my thinking. Ignorance is bliss.
This amount of self doubt and thinking can't be healthy. What was the phrase that came to mind the other day. Yeah: liberal in my views, conservative in my actions. In other words all talk and no action. These rants always feel like they start out so strong but as soon as I start writing them down, the anger the furor seems to dissipate, my thoughts begin to ramble and the text suffers.
The discussion at work about a blog being popular because the writing was rubbish and the author just had a beef with the world made me think about this blog, without the concentrated hatred to direct it at, unless one considers what I direct at myself.
I don't know how many weeks I really to be doing these midnight work days. I've really reverified with myself that sleep is vital. As I now sit on the train I have that bad feeling in the back of my throat and a general run-down feeling. I've become so paranoid about getting sick again after my four week bout earlier this year. I almost wonder if it might be making me sick. I suspect though that what bothers me more is the lack of concentrated exercise that has taken over. It was almost a struggle to get my ass on the bike this past weekend for measly 16 mile ride. I used to do that ride at least three times a week after work and 30 plus mile rides on the weekend.
Now I've convinced myself that technology might help combat my laziness. I've started to obsess over hear rate monitoring. Honestly, if it would really matter. I know that I'm just plain out of shape. Spending money on new toys isn't going to really change that. About the only idea I have had of late that I'll probably follow up on is that of a commuter bike. Time to go, my ride is done.